Friday, October 12, 2018

Toxic people leave their mark on you for a lot longer than they hang around in your life.

There are a lot of people in the world who can seriously fuck you up. Screw with your mind, your heart, your soul. Intentionally or not. They don't care what happens to you...or maybe they actually want to screw with you. In general, they're pretty fucked up themselves. It's awful, it's tragic, it's disgusting, but it's true. Those people are out there.

Sometimes you work with them.

Sometimes you live with them.

Sometimes you fall in love with them.

Sometimes you do everything in your power to avoid them, but they still end up in your life. And you can't get their voice out of your head, telling you nobody will ever want you and you're not good enough for this job or that person because you're stupid or ugly or "crazy". Even when they're gone from your life, their memory haunts you like a ghost. 

You try to live up to their expectations and avoid their criticism. They have left their imprint on your mind and life, retaining their power over you years and years after they've dropped off the radar. It's a cruel joke. You're still living to please them and they're not even fucking here. You barely cross their mind, but they've crept into your thoughts, infecting them for years to come. It's a cruel irony. 

One day you will take power back. You will be free, independent. You will be able to hear your own voice inside your head again. You will stop looking over your shoulder or looking them up on the internet. 

You will own who you are and see that person has so much to offer, no matter what anyone has ever said or did to negate that. You will be able to affirm yourself instead of waiting for a "yes" or "no" or "you're smart" or "you're talented" from anyone else. You will stop heaping insult after insult on your already wounded heart and will see that you are someone who deserves care and kindness and encouragement just as much as the people you love and admire. 

It's so hard to do, but say one thing you've done right this week, one victory you've had, one good quality. Give thanks, and include yourself on the list.

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